EnFOQUE Diary

A Living Journal on Sexuality, Embodiment, and Empowerment for Men

All of Me: Stepping Into the Light

One day, after spending literally all of my life operating with a belief that I never bothered to question, that moment emerged. That moment when I realized that perhaps, maybe perhaps, it was time to make a fundamental change to how I chose to be in the world. It...

A Sixty-Minute Daily Meditation: A Way to Ground Yourself

This is a 60 minute morning meditation. The basic sequence is as follows: 1. Begin in a comfortable meditative state. Spend the first 5 minutes after the tingshas in silence. 2. The music will begin gradually. As it does, slowly begin movement. Light touch,...

Breaking down barriers: Gay men and HIV

Not too long ago, I found myself in a place of connecting intimately with a men I had recently met. Tall, strong, with deep dark eyes and a smile that destroyed me many times over, we had flirted off and on, and allowed our experiences to unfold as they tend to do...

What does intimacy look like? One perspective

Many moons ago, high on a mountain in northern California, during a retreat for healing, I created an experiment. I decided I was going to do something I had never done before, just to see if I could do it. I wanted to be seen. I chose a man from the workshop, and,...

What’s sacred about blow jobs?

(ADULT) It's no secret that most guys enjoy sucking or getting sucked, of not both. It's rare to find a guy who turns down a sloppy slurp to release. For lots of us, it's like cold pizza; even when it's bad, it's still pretty good. But can polishing the nob really be...

Honoring others’ gender identities

Who we are is … well … who we are. And only we have the right to claim who we are. And we even have a right to change that. As a cis-gender male, I have no right to tell anyone else who they are. Learning how to walk in that awareness has helped me...

How to “Do It:” Great sexual health guides for diverse communities

Working in sexual health and wellness, I find that folks often seek safer sex resources that speak their language and honor their experiences. Most information available is written from a sanitary, clinical perspective, often without the cultural competency needed to...

Embracing Kink as Transformative Experience: Mollena Williams-Lee Haas

WLT*I* Easter Conference Talk – Mollena Lee Williams-Haas from Mollena Williams on Vimeo. One of my favorite kink educators, Mollena Williams-Lee Haas, talks in this video about the sacred, the political, and the transformational in kink. This is definitely worth a...

Breaking down barriers: Transcending beyond fears of offering touch

One of my greatest passions and pursuits in life is to guide others into understanding how the power of our humanity can take priority over constructs, limitations, rules, regulations, or beliefs. In healing environments, we should not only not fear but even eagerly...

Why take the leap? Taking your first journey with the Body Electric School

When people ask me about the Body Electric School, the question I often get is, "Why should I take this workshop?" It's not an easy question to answer. Different men have different outcomes. But I can always share what the work of the school has done for me. Here is a...

My interview with Dr. HazelGrace Yates on the healing among genders

Produced March 16, 2018 - I interview Dr. HazelGrace Yates on her radical work to bring individuals identifying as men and women closer together through experiential workshops centered on declaring and witnessing our sexual selves, for the Institute for Mind Body...

Tickling Kink? Erotic Play Through Laughter

(ADULT) When jumping into erotic exploration, most people don't think about tickling as a way to build energy and connection. But think about it. What jumps into your mind, and what memories jump "into your body," when I ask you to remember the last time someone...

Pláticas auténticas: Supporting Latinos in sexual heath

Supporting Latino and Hispanic populations while considering their intersectionality can go a long way in making a difference in their sexual health. Learning some basic cultural competency skills can help you better support marginalized populations. First some basic...

Eros, Creativity, and Healing: Thoughts About Connecting with Yourself

In this unforseen and unprecedented time, I find one of themes emerging in chatting with others involves how to adjust to the lack of opportunity to be in physical proximity and connection with loved ones. Chaos abounds. In our heads, we know we are to stay apart for...

The pleasure principle: Reclaiming your joy by reducing your risk

(ADULT) For many people who are attempting to live a satisfying life, having sex without fear and anxiety can be quite challenging. Often there are struggles related to a conservative upbringing, acceptance of identity and expression, and more often than not, fear of...

My interview with Galen Fous, MTP, on kink for healing and transformation

Produced November 24, 2017 - I interview Galen Fous, MTP, author, lecturer, and transpersonal psychologist, as he shares his perspective of the value of BDSM and kink in therapeutic, holistic, and transformative contexts, for the Institute for Mind Body Therapy.

My experience attending an eros workshop that changed my life

About seven years ago, in 2010, after completing Celebrating the Body Erotic (CBE) a couple of years prior, I said “yes” to Gabriel Clark, who was the registrar for the Body Electric School. I said “yes” to Gabriel that I would, indeed, attend Dear Love of...

The 411 on Sexual Health: Real, Practical Guide for Gay Men

Looking for information about sexual health that is honest, real, and appreciative of your sexual expression? Look no further than "The Sex You Want," a wonderful resource offered by the Gay Men's Sexual Alliance (GMSA) in Canada. Gritty, real, and engaging, this is a...

Life learning: Seeking growth and awareness

The other day I was driving home and started to think about how long I’ve “been in school.” I started my journey in kindergarten at Benito Martinez Elementary in Fort Hancock, Texas, way back in the mid-1970s. I still remember the bright blue and red vinyl plastic...

Great sexual health guides for diverse communities

Working in sexual health and wellness, I find that folks often seek safer sex resources that speak their language and honor their experiences. Most information available is written from a sanitary, clinical perspective, often without the cultural competency needed to...

Sex selfies: Narcissist or nurturance?

(ADULT) Admit it. If you haven't done it, you've probably thought about it. You've at least contemplated (if not taken) that cock pic, that ass shot, or that sultry pose (or many), all for that hookup app, that dating site, or to answer that oh-so-tantalizing...

Best Sex Tip for Gay Men: Daily Sex Muscle Workouts!

(ADULT) If there is one sex tip that I would give every gay man who is open to anal sex, either as a top, as a bottom, or as versatile stud, it would be...do your daily kegel and pelvic floor workouts! These exercises, when done regularly, will strengthen the muscles...

The beauty of humanity: Beyond the binary

This week, in the midst of all the other countless chaotic situations our country is experiencing, we get word that the administration is planning to pressure the U.S. Supreme Court to short-circuit the lawful judicial process and cajole it into denying the rights of...

Bottoms up! Dr. Evan Goldstein presents the Art of Bottoming

(ADULT) Here's a wonderful video recently posted on the internet. ‘The Art of Bottoming’ is hosted by Dr. Evan Goldstein of Bespoke Surgical at The Pleasure Chest New York. Sponsored by TUSHY! Photo by Patrick...

Expanding perspectives: My journey with Points of You™

In April of 2015, I was invited to participate in an intensive workshop that changed my way of thinking, of expanding my perspective, and of creating authentic communication between and among individuals. For the first time, I found myself in a container that created...

How to connect to eros through creative expression

Creative endeavors feed our ability to better understand ourselves. Exploring our senses through "play" can lead us to learn more about who we are, and how we present in the world. It all started when I was browsing through photos on the internet. I was preparing to...

We need comprehensive sex education NOW: HIV Crisis on the Texas-Mexico Border

As a Mexican-American who grew up along the U.S./Mexico border in the 1970s-1980s, I suffered through the stigma of homophobia, a lack of comprehensive sexual education, and the devastation that the HIV and AIDS epidemic caused in the region and throughout the nation....

Evolving: A Professional Update

Things are moving forward. As I write this update, I chose to share with you my view at my self-imposed self-care retreat. I have spent a week relaxing, rejuvenating, and re-imagining what the world will look like for me in the months and years to come.  Thank you for...

Healing I have experienced in Power, Surrender, and Intimacy

My experience of attending Power, Surrender, and Intimacy (PSI) was transformative, spiritually healing, and soulfully invigorating. My journey to PSI was a long one. I did not choose to step into the circle for more than seven years after I took my...

My interview with Mark Schoen, Ph.D., founder of SexSmartFilms

Produced May 14, 2018 - I interview Mark Schoen, Ph.D., pioneer filmmaker, writer, and founder of SexSmartFilms.com, about his work in bringing educational programming about sexuality, intimacy, identity, and expression to the world, for the Institute for Mind...

Expanding your sexual repertoire: Creating experiments for learning

(ADULT) I often work with men who seek me out because they aren't satisfied with their sexual and intimate lives. After some discussion and conversation, there is often a key revelation: They don't know what they want, they don't know what's available to them, and...

In our bodies: Breaking through to self-love

For all the enthusiasm that lots of gay men have about their sexual encounters, I often hear quite a bit about the shame some carry about their bodies. It’s an interesting paradox. How can we fully celebrate who we are sexually and otherwise if we aren’t proud of who...

Top or bottom: Playing in the binary

(ADULT) Top or bottom. Dominant or submissive. Giver or receiver. Penetrative or receptive. Active or passive. We all know the labels. It might not come as a surprise that the talk around these labels can be controversial. For some, it's not an "and/or" situation -...

Turning jealousy into ecstasy: Opening up relationships

One of the biggest challenges you may face when in a committed relationship is exploring “opening” that relationship. To many people, opening a relationship involves being in agreement to pursue interactions with others normally shared only with each other. This kind...

Per a recent study of sex toy purchases: Bondage is big in Texas!

(ADULT) Ever wonder what sex toys are popular in your state? Bespoke Surgical examines Google Shopping data to find out what type sex toys were most popular in each state. Read more about the study here. Photo by Ben Hershey on Unsplash

I’m butting in: Keeping it clean

(ADULT) It's pretty much happened to every gay guy who's ever tried to bottom. That moment in time when you realize... eek!... maybe you weren't quite prepared for that deep-diving, talented top. Truth is, no one wants to talk about it, but it's something we all want...

Claiming my sexual health: My journey with PrEP

Tantamount to any decision that I make in my life is to be in full awareness of who I am, what I am experiencing, and what potential information may emerge from whatever actions I choose to take. I always seek to enhance my experience in life moving forward. For me,...

Beginner’s Rope Bondage videos offered by the Twisted Monk

The Twisted Monk, a premier provider of rope for bondage of different types, offers wonderful resources on their website. Included in these offerings is a library of various techniques.  Highly recommended - Watch them here! Photo by Emma Louise...

Finding Your Power in Chaos: A Chat with Life Coach Dave Allen

We are living in unique times. Institutions are transforming, people are rising up in both words and actions, and the uncertainty of change is in the air.With so much happening to make us fearful and shrink from our power, it can be helpful to find ways to live in a...
Evolving: A Professional Update

Evolving: A Professional Update

Things are moving forward. As I write this update, I chose to share with you my view at my self-imposed self-care retreat. I have spent a week relaxing, rejuvenating, and re-imagining what the world will look like for me in the months and years to come.  Thank you for...

read more
Tickling Kink? Erotic Play Through Laughter

Tickling Kink? Erotic Play Through Laughter

(ADULT) When jumping into erotic exploration, most people don't think about tickling as a way to build energy and connection. But think about it. What jumps into your mind, and what memories jump "into your body," when I ask you to remember the last time someone...

read more

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