One day, after spending literally all of my life operating with a belief that I never bothered to question, that moment emerged. That moment when I realized that perhaps, maybe perhaps, it was time to make a fundamental change to how I chose to be in the world.
It struck me one day when I was juggling projects and drowning in evaluating what should go where.
“All of me.” “Why not take ALL of me…”
If you’re familiar with the Billie Holiday song, you may connect with what I”m talking about.
You see, in that moment, I decided I was done. I was done trying to put on masks. I was done trying to compartmentalize my life into neat and separate units; to cast the version of Andrés that I thought each person wanted or needed to see. To seemingly protect others from what I felt they didn’t want to, or care to, see of me.
No more.
It is time to live in authenticity.
Welcoming the complete me
This website is the result of that decision. For those who don’t know me, for the past 5-6 years I have been in a process of completely shifting my life, my way of being, and the way that I walk in the world.
I left a profession that helped me to live comfortably, but that was mentally challenging, stressful, and unsatisfying. I jumped into a stream of unfamiliarity to completely shift gears. I was choosing to focus on preparing to help others with the things I struggled to find myself — to connect to their darkness and their light, to their sexuality, eroticism and intimacies — to their way of being in the world.
I let go of expectations of “stability” because it doesn’t exist. I let go of relationships that did not challenge me to continuously unfold layers of my experience, no matter how painful and challenging. I vowed to enter a field and a dimension that challenged my beliefs and positionality, in profound and significant ways.
[perfectpullquote align=”right” bordertop=”false” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]Who am I? What am I made of? What do I want? How do I want to give of myself to the world?[/perfectpullquote]
I experienced chaos to the core after leaving my previous profession. I realized I had always defined myself by what I did. I had no idea who I really was. Nor did I want to know. But with that open-ness came incredible challenges.
And most imporantly, it became clear to me that it was time to fill that space with what I truly wanted.
Facing the realities of change
I wish I could say that everyone was supportive, but that was not the case. Some shared with me that I was being irresponsible. Others that I was giving up on so much. And still others that I would never find happiness by opening myself to so many things that were so new.
But I did it anyway.
And I’m glad I did.
I’ve spent the last few years struggling with keeping aspects of who I am separate, supposedly to protect others from parts of me. As a gay man. As a sacred intimate. As an academic. As a sex educator. As a person who is sexual, and celebrates that. As a person who not only accepts but embraces his “messiness.” As someone who loves my darkness just as fully as my light. I came to realize that I am just as capable standing in a room filled with hundreds of people in business attire presenting complex content and sharing abstract ideas, as I am standing naked in a circle of others, teaching them how to embrace their bodies, their energies, and their connections with each other and with the universe.
This is me…this IS all of me
I hold space for those who are spiritually, energetically, and emotionally wounded. I hold space for those looking for ways to get past their struggles and pains, and to transform their experiences. I hold space for adventurers; those who are curious about exploring themselves and their connections with others and to find and carry forward what serves them. I hold space for those who are disabled and simply seeking to connect with themselves, and with others. I hold space for couples in intimate relationships, to welcome their authentic ways of being, and to share with them how to enhance their connection.
I dedicate my journey to helping others with the knowledge, the skills, and the support they need to embrace their bodies, their spirits, and their beliefs. These are the keys, I believe, to experience life fully in in this world.
So, please explore what I have to offer here on this website, and in your connection with me. Take what works for you, and leave the rest behind. You see, you don’t have to tolerate, like, or love everything I give. What you leave behind, others will take with them.
And that is all we can ever expect, or hope for.
Photo by Alex Woods on Unsplash